


Living in the shadow of death

by WiseDragonGirl (Verhalengrot)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Battle, Blood and Injury, Bromance, Family, Friendship, Gen, Male Friendship, Titans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-03-08 13:44:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13459479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verhalengrot/pseuds/WiseDragonGirl
Summary: Erwin Smith is the commander of the Survey Corps. He knows all to well any mission can be the last mission for him and his men, but he knows what they do is important for the future of mankind. He lives surrounded by death. Will he survive the next mission?





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> For some reason I picture Erwin as a family guy, with a lovely wife and a cute daughter waiting for him when he does his important work to ensure the survival of humanity. I know this is not the case in the canon universe of this anime, and he has a very good reason for not having a family, but this is a fanfiction, so I’ll allow myself this freedom.
> 
> The characters belong to the creator(s) of Attack on Titan, the original character(s) belong to me.

Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps walked through the streets of the district within Wall Rose with his trusted captain and friend Levi Ackerman next to him. They talked about the newest recruits, like always Levi didn’t think highly about them. In the rare case he did think someone was worth while, they usually ended up in his Special Operations Squad. Together they walked to a house where Erwin invited Levi in for a drink.

Levi accepted the invitation with a single nod of his head and he followed his commander inside. Just like Erwin he removed the green cape that belonged to the uniform of the Survey Corps and hung it on a hook. Together they proceeded to the living room where a young girl looked up from her drawing.

“Daddy!” she exclaimed as she ran up to Erwin.

Erwin had a warm smile for the girl, bend down and picked her up for a hug. She then pointed to the drawing on the table and he walked over to it so he could look at it.

Levi watched the scene with a blank expression on his face, but he looked up when he noticed a woman walking up to him. She had curly red hair and cradled a newborn boy in her arms. “Carla,” he greeted her.

“Levi,” Carla returned the greeting with a smile. “Will you join us for dinner today?”

For the second time that evening he accepted the invitation with a nod and he watched how Carla took her daughter with her to the kitchen. He then turned to Erwin, who was busy filling two glasses with whiskey. “What changed?” he asked him.

Erwin joined to Levi to hand him a drink and looked at him with a blank expression. “What do you mean?”

“I recall you once said you would never start a family, because you don’t know when you will die. And yet you got married and you have two kids. What changed?”

After taking a sip from the whiskey, Erwin looked at Levi. “Carla,” he simply said.

Levi’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly as a silent request to elaborate on that.

“I didn’t seek love,” Erwin began his explanation, “but I fell in love anyway. We went out a couple of times, I enjoyed her company. One day I went on an expedition outside the walls again.” He sat down with his drink and Levi sat down next to him. “After seeing others dying I broke up with Carla. I told her to look for someone else, someone with a more certain future than my own. She refused to go. She said it didn’t matter if it was a day, a week, a month or a year we could be together, as long as she could have that time with me. When she asked me if I loved her I told her I did, but I didn’t want to cause her grief. She then told me living without me while knowing I was alive would hurt her more than living without me after dying for a noble cause. All she wanted was to be a part of my life for as long as I would have left, if I wanted her to be a part of my life. And after hearing all that, I knew I wanted her in my life.” He paused as he looked at his drink with a frown. “She never asked me to quit the Survey Corps, she says she is proud of what I did and that she loves me.”

Levi nodded and drank from the glass. “She’s special,” he agreed.

“I have not regretted my decision to marry her. Carla...” he sighed and showed a faint smile. “Carla doesn’t ask questions. She knows how much the deaths of my men bother me, even if I show it to no-one. She doesn’t ask how my day was after an expedition, she looks at me and she knows. If it was a bad day, she will just hug me or rub my shoulders when I sit in my chair and look through the window. Just... a silent gesture to let me know she is there for me.”

Levi listened in silence, it wasn’t often Erwin spoke of his wife. He kept his personal life and his career strictly separated, something Levi admired in the man.

“She never asks me to come back safely when we go on an expedition,” Erwin continued as he looked in his glass. “All she asks me is to make her proud and to live up to my resolve to fight for the future of humanity.”

“She is a strong woman,” Levi agreed. “She doesn’t hold you back and supports you all the way.” And Carla was kind to him too, this wasn’t the first time she invited him to stay over for dinner.

“She is my light in a grim world,” Erwin stated and he looked at Levi. There wasn’t anyone he trusted as much as this man, that was why he felt he could tell him all this. He felt that as long as he had both Carla and Levi ,who believed in him and supported him, he could do what needed to be done.

They brought their conversation to a more light-hearted topic, both of them wanted to briefly escape the world of the military and human-eating titans, and exchange it for a peaceful moment spend with a good friend.

Dinner itself was pleasant, the young girl chatted on about her day and Erwin listened to her with a smile. It allowed him to experience a much happier world, a world viewed through the innocent eyes of a child, for just a moment. Not long after dinner Carla brought both children to bed and the two men enjoyed a casual evening together. As the evening slowly turned into the night, Levi decided it was time to go home. He put on his cloak and walked to the door when Carla walked up to him.

“I heard about your mission tomorrow,” she said to him.

Levi looked at her with a blank expression on his face.

“You will look after him, right?”

“I always do,” Levi answered curtly, before leaving the house. Of course Carla wanted her husband to return home safely, but he didn’t need her request to keep Erwin safe to do so. That was a task he had taken up by himself not long after he had decided to follow him.

 


	2. Leaving on a mission

The next day a new expedition left through the gate. In the beginning it all went well and according to plan. That changed when the main group reached a forest and two Titans emerged from it. In the battle that followed both Erwin and Levi lost their horses. Even though others wanted to stop and come to their aid, Erwin commanded them to continue with the plan and he told them they would slow down the Titans. Both he and Levi switched over to their Three-dimensional Manoeuvring Gear and managed to kill both Titans.

As the corpses of the Titans lay on the ground, Erwin and Levi stood next to them and looked at the forest. Without a horse it would be impossible to catch up with the rest of the Survey Corps, but they needed to get moving. Staying down here would only increase their chances of coming face to face with more Titans.

Using their Manoeuvring Gear they moved through swiftly through the forest. They didn’t speak, with gestures Erwin let Levi know where to go and they tried to cover as much ground as they could in silence.

Suddenly a hand came from between the trees and grabbed Erwin mid-air. For a brief moment surprise was visible on his face before he narrowed his eyes and looked determined at the Titan who brought him to his mouth. Levi reacted immediately and moved over to Erwin. With some excellent manoeuvring he managed to cut the nape of the Titan, who released Erwin as he fell to the ground. Erwin managed to engage his Manoeuvring Gear and went up in a tree. Levi joined him shortly after and they looked at the corps.

“This is some predicament we’re in,” Levi commented as he spat on the ground. “There are going to be more Titans.”

“I don’t see any bodies yet,” Erwin mentioned. “That is a good sign. Hopefully most of our men made it through the forest.”

Levi nodded to show he agreed.

“Let’s go.”

Again Levi nodded and he followed Erwin closely, but after covering a little distance the gear on his right leg suddenly jammed. The only hook that got fired was his left hook and it pulled him against the tree the hook had secured itself in. Hitting the trunk pushed the air out of his lungs and he groaned as he released the hook and fell down on the ground. Almost immediately Erwin stood next to him to help him up.

“What happened?” he asked him.

“Malfunction,” Levi stated, his voice deprived of any emotion. He tried the trigger a couple of times, but it didn’t work.

Erwin nodded and looked around, with just one rope it would be impossible for Levi to continue going. Or kill any Titans.

“Go on,” Levi urged him. “I’ll catch up when I get this to work again.”

“I’ll wait here.”

The surprise on Levi’s face made soon way for anger. “Idiot!” he spat. “Don’t risk you life for me. As a commander you have responsibilities and you have a family to return to.”

“How good are my chances alone?”

“You can fight.”

Erwin remained silent for a moment. “Not as well as you.” He looked up and then he looked back at Levi. “We’ll go up and you can take a look at your gear.”

That was an idea Levi could agree with and he nodded. He wrapped his arms around Erwin, who shot the hooks out of his gear and lifted them both into the air. Moments later they landed safely on a sturdy branch of the tall tree.

Levi removed his gear to inspect it. “If we get into trouble, I’ll distract the Titans so you can leave,” he told him.

“Why?”

“Because the Survey Corps needs you.”

“They need you too.”

Levi looked up from his gear and saw Erwin standing with his back against the tree, his arms folded in front of his chest. It was an almost casual pose, which surprised Levi.

“Levi, let’s go over our options.”

“We have one malfunctioning gear,” he began. “And we don’t know how much further we have to go until we reach others of Corps.” He looked up at the treetops. “We can’t see the smoke signals here.”

“Correct. Eventually we’ll run out of gas. Without horses or our gear we won’t be able to escape the Titans. We know the plan, we know in what direction we have to go, but we don’t know if we can reach the others before our gas runs out. Moreover, one can carry the other, but that will hinder the movements and therefore the chances to escape a Titan. If see only one solution.”

“Exactly,” Levi agreed as he removed the first gas canister from his gear. “Take my gas and continue forward.”

“I was about to suggest you’d take my gear and continue forward,” Erwin replied calmly.

“If only one of us can escape, it should be you,” Levi retorted. “We need you.”

“No Levi, we need you. You are the strongest fighter I have and you have the best chance to catch up to the others and the supplies.” The looked each other straight in the eyes. “Don’t make me order you,” he added.

The muscles in Levi’s jaw tightened and it seemed he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. With a single nod he accepted Erwin’s decision and they swapped gear.

Levi stood on the thick branch with his back to Erwin. “Don’t get killed,” he said, just before shooting the hooks away and he left. With his eyes focused on the path he had to take, he moved rapidly from tree to tree.

_Damn you, Erwin. I will come back for you, we can’t afford to lose you. I don’t want to lose you._


	3. Escaping the forest

Levi moved swiftly from tree to tree with his manoeuvring gear. The leaves of the tree hid the sky from view, but there were occasional openings. With his speed he only had a second to look at the sky, but it was enough to see a flare in the distance. The group moved according to plan.

Suddenly a Titan emerged from between the trees and Levi narrowed his eyes as he adjusted his course. He moved out of the way of the big hand trying to catch him and shot a hook high up in the tree to get above it. He quickly released the hooks, held his blades ready and used gravity to get to the Titan and cut its nape. As the Titan fell he shot a hook in the tree and wanted to go forward, when the sound of a neigh stopped him.

Immediately he began his search, but he didn’t need to go far. It grazed between the trees as if nothing had happened. His eyes showed no emotion as he looked at the empty saddle and he decided to search for the body first, if there was one.

A few metres away from the horse he found the lower part of one of their men. The legs and part of the abdomen was all that remained, guts and blood had spilled over the ground. Levi looked at the remains with a blank expression, if he felt anything watching it, he hid it inside. In a dangerous situation as this he couldn’t afford to feel anything.

He walked to the remains and removed the gear. They needed it if they wanted to get back to the city, just like they needed the horse.

This person’s death could save Erwin’s life.

With the gear over his shoulder, Levi quickly got on the back of the horse and rode back to where he had left Erwin.

He heard the Titans before he saw them and when he neared the tree, he saw them. Two low-class Titans stood under the tree where Erwin was, who seemed unphased by their presence, he looked at them with a calculative expression.

The Titans noticed Levi, but before they could react to his presence, Levi shot his hooks away and took to the air. He avoided their hands and joined Erwin in the tree, silently handing him the gear.

“You’re back sooner than I expected,” Erwin said, his eyes locked with Levi.

“There was a casualty,” Levi explained.

Erwin nodded once and silently put it on. Then he looked at the two Titans below. “You take the one of the left,” he instructed and after the affirmative nod from Levi he moved to kill the one of the right.

After some aerobatics and two clean slices, the Titans were defeated and the two men landed next to the horse.

“It won’t be able to keep top speed for long with two on its back,” Erwin said.

“I know,” Levi answered, “but it’s all we have.” He looked at Erwin. “Where do we go?”

Erwin thought about it for a moment. “We have to get out of the forest, we’ll go west, the group should be heading in that direction too. Without the flares we don’t know where they are or where they are going.”

The two got on the back of the horse and rode west, Levi sat in front and Erwin behind him. It was calm in the forest and the managed to get out of it with no problems. Both of them kept an eye on the sky to see the flares. There were green ones in the distance to indicate the group would take a new direction. Erwin looked at their location, looked at the sun and at the forest to get an idea how the group had travelled. In the back were some red flares, which meant Titans were going after them.

Without a word, Erwin took his own pistol and loaded a cannister so he had it ready in case he needed it. He looked at the flares again and nodded. “Let’s head back to the city, they are going there as well.” He couldn’t tell if the blue or yellow flare had been fired, the first signalling retreat, the latter signalling a termination of the mission, but judging by the movement either of those had been fired.

As Levi kept his attention on the path ahead, Erwin kept an eye on the flares. No additional red flares had been fired, hopefully they were able to outrun them.

One of the faster Titans emerged from the forest behind them and Erwin warned Levi about its presence by calling his name. Levi quickly looked over his shoulder, narrowed his eyes and enticed the horse even further. It would tire the animal out, but they only needed to go to the city.

The Titan stayed behind them all the way, the horse ran as fast is it could with the two on its back and it was just enough to stay ahead of the Titan. They were out in the open, they couldn’t use the gear here. Their only options were to go back to the forest, or try to reach the city.

Erwin quickly decided they would go to the city. With no extra cannisters they would run out of gas and if they did so in the forest they would die for sure. Levi had used his gear quite a bit and there was no telling how much was left in the gear from the fallen soldier.

“I will try to kill it,” Erwin suggested.

“You’ll get yourself killed,” Levi growled. “We’ll reach the city, there we can use the wall to get in safety.”

The horse got more and more tired as the run across the plains continued and the Titan slowly got closer and closer. The wall of the city came into view, but Levi wasn’t sure they would reach the wall before the Titan reached them. He glared at the city ahead, they would just have to try.

When the Titan came within arms reach it tried to grab Erwin, but Levi steered the horse to the right and the Titan missed. It tried to grab the humans again, but Levi let the horse turn again.

They came close to the wall when the horse stepped into a pit and fell. Both riders fell on the ground and rolled away to avoid being trampled on by the Titan.

The Titan initially didn’t notice they were gone. He stopped and looked around. Levi took that moment to shoot his hooks in the back of the Titan and he pulled his sword from the sheath as he allowed the gear to pull him towards the Titan swiftly. The Titan turned around and behind him Levi got flung through the air.

Erwin ran towards the city, but the he knew he couldn’t outrun the Titan. Thick fingers grabbed his cloak and pulled him from the air. Erwin reacted immediately by pulling his sword and he looked at the Titan with determination in his eyes.

By then Levi reached the neck of the Titan and he cut its nape.

They all fell to the ground, the Titan, Levi and Erwin. Erwin groaned when he fell on his back and he remained there for a moment.

Levi knelt down next to him. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Erwin looked at him and nodded. He took the hand Levi extended to him and allowed his friend and right-hand man to help him up.

They looked each other in the eyes and Erwin took Levi’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he said.

Levi nodded once and looked at the wall. “We can try to walk to the gate or go up here.”

“We can move to the gate using our gear and the wall as well,” Erwin suggested.

Again Levi nodded and the two man moved towards the gate, where they would meet the rest of the Survey Corps.

 

* * *

After going back into the city and finishing up the reports, Erwin headed home.

Once he stepped inside his little girl rushed towards him and put her arms around his middle.

“Daddy is home!” she exclaimed.

“Yes, I’m home,” he said as he ruffled through her hair.

His wife joined them and smiled lovingly at him, a smile he returned.

Maybe he had a dangerous life, maybe he could die in their fight against the Titans, but he was grateful he could come home like this.


End file.
